I showed him my bush... on skype.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
