Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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