We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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