super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
