I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
