I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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