im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
