i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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