It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
