you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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