omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
