You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
