I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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