I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
