Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
