in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your penis caused this!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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