The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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