someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
