Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
