My liver just broke up with me...
there was a trapeze. enough said
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
