Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
