my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
