I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
