Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
