Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
