That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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