we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
