Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
