Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
