coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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