Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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