he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
