I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
