I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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