bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize