we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
