Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
