When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
