Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
