Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
