those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
