she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
