why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
