They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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