hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
