Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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