I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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