It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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