She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
