My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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