I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
