Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
