so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
