just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
