I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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