How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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