you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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