Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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