You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
