Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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