All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
