ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
