I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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