I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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