Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
