He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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