Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
