Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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