question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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