last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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