My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
