oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I smell stomach acid.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
did you just send me my own nude
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
