I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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