I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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