I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
