He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
