i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
