It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
