I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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