I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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