Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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