If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
