i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
