dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
