i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
