She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
