and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
