why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
