I'm so fucking centered right now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
