I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
