I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
