I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
