Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
